Outsmugged

All in all, I think of myself as a pretty hard guy to out-smug. I'm pretty fucken self satisfied. Well I can appear to be, which is all that matters in this instance. I'd fit right in with the cast of Star Trek, smirking, out-smugging each other with wilder and wilder and stupider and stupider nonsensical theories about fuck-all. Wouldn't you crack the shits if your farken plumber spoke like the crew of the Starship Enterprise?

Plumber: "It's no good! I can't get enough flow to get the fecal-matter package around the liquid/atmosphere hygiene valve! I'm going to have to re-route through the hydro-assimilating phase-state matter/anti matter transporter!"

Me: "You can't get enough pressure to flush the shit around the S-Bend so you're gonna suck it out with that wet and dry vac?"

Plumber: "It's working! We have flow again! Now just a minor adjustment of the liquid pressure regulator limb switch.... gurrrgle splash errrghahhh!"

Me: (pushing plumbers head into toilet bowl and flushing) "Take that, septic boy! Ahahahaaaa!"

What was the point I was trying to make with this nonsense? Oh yes, smugness. Star Trek is all about being smugger than the next guy. So is working in IT. You sit there with a slightly superior smirk on your face and say a few impressive things when a boss is paying you attention and Bob's your Prime Minister - Instant work karma that's good until that boss gets ousted or you make a stupid mistake in front of everyone. Or you're out-smugged. Being out-smugged in front of a boss is bad. It's like negative karma but it lasts longer and affects more things than good work karma.

The relevance of all this talk of smugness? Well, I sat through a battle of the mighty today, smugging away at each other with obscure logic and facts right in front of the CEO.

It was like being in the trenches of the Somme! Trying to keep your head down as you go over the top with your buddies, bullets zinging around and splattering them as they run. The relentless chugging of the machine guns and the horror of the limbs and the trees and the mud and the death and the bad haircuts and the King!

Okay, so maybe not quite like being at the Somme, maybe more like a civil war, with words for muskets and beer-bellies for horses.

Or perhaps not, who can say?

Ranted by Doomboy